“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
Tony Robbins, the human equivalent of a double espresso shot, nails it with this quote. In his book “Unlimited Power,” Robbins dives deep into the art of communication and personal achievement. He might as well have titled a chapter “Square Up or Shut Up” (but I guess his publishers thought that was a bit too on the nose).
Robbins talks about “modeling” – the art of adopting the behaviors of successful people. Well, one behavior you should model is facing people head-on. It’s not just about eye contact; it’s about full-body engagement. Think of it as “whole-body listening” – it’s like regular listening, but with more muscles involved.
Square up on the person you’re talking to.
Unless they have spinach in their teeth. Then it’s a judgment call. Turn your body to square up on the person you are talking to. That little piece of advice changed their opinion of you instantly, just watch Tim Cook from Apple.
Now, Robbins would probably say that squaring up is part of building rapport – that almost magical connection that makes people think, “Hey, this person gets me!” It’s like you’re saying, “I’m not just hearing your words, I’m absorbing them with my entire being.” Okay, that might be a bit much, but you get the idea.
In “Unlimited Power,” Robbins emphasizes the importance of congruence in communication – making sure your words, tone, and body language all match up. Well, squaring up is congruence in action. Your body is quite literally lining up with your intention to listen and engage.
Alright, listen up. This isn’t about preparing for a boxing match (although in some meetings, you might wish it was). Squaring up is about giving someone your full attention, and I mean full. We’re talking body, mind, and soul… okay, maybe just body and mind. Let’s not get too new-agey here, even if Tony would approve..
When you square up to someone, you’re saying, “You have my undivided attention, and I’m not planning my escape route.” It’s like pointing your personal satellite dish directly at them, ready to receive all their communication signals, both verbal and non-verbal.
Think of it this way: your body is like a giant arrow, and where it points is where your attention is. If you’re turned sideways or at an angle, you’re basically telling the person, “I’m kinda listening, but I’m also ready to bolt at any second.” Not exactly the message of a confident leader, is it?
Now, I mentioned Tim Cook, and let me tell you, that man could teach a master class in squaring up. Watch him in interviews or presentations. He doesn’t just face people; he engages his entire body in the conversation. It’s like he’s saying, “I’m here, I’m listening, and no, I won’t tell you about the next iPhone.”
But here’s the catch: don’t overdo it. We’re aiming for “attentive leader,” not “creepy robot that follows you with its eyes.” If you’re in a group setting, you can’t square up to everyone unless you’re some sort of rotisserie leader (which, let’s face it, sounds delicious but impractical). Instead, pivot your body to face whoever’s speaking at the moment. It’s like you’re a human compass, and true north is whoever has the floor.
And about that spinach-in-teeth situation? Well, sometimes being a good leader means making the tough calls. If you can subtly signal them about their leafy problem, go for it. If not, square up and pretend you’re fascinated by their left eyebrow. Leadership is all about adaptability, after all.
Here’s a Pro Tip:
Practice your squaring up skills at home. Face the TV squarely when watching the news, square up to the fridge when deciding on a snack, square up to the dog when asking who’s a good boy. Just don’t square up to mom when she’s asking why you haven’t called. That’s a conversation you might want to approach at an angle.
In the game of leadership, being square is actually cool. It shows you’re engaged, attentive, and definitely not checking your phone under the table. So square those shoulders, face that conversation partner, and show them you mean business. Just, you know, in a friendly, non-confrontational way. We’re squaring up, not squaring off.
∗ Get the book Unlimited Power here: https://amzn.to/4eGuHEq