“The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them.”
Paulo Coelho, the Brazilian lyricist and novelist, is best known for his book “The Alchemist.∗” While he’s not a business leader per se, his insights into human nature are spot-on for leadership. This quote beautifully captures the power of eye contact in human interaction.
In leadership, as in literature, the eyes tell a story. They’re like those little text bubbles in comic books, but instead of “POW!” and “BAM!”, they’re saying “I’m listening” or “I’m as lost as a penguin in the Sahara.”
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Make eye contact.
But never stare, look around the room, but then always come back to the person’s eyes when they are making a point. Making strong eye contact helps you focus on their conversation and helps you notice their lies or honesty.
Think of it as a dance. Your eyes are doing the cha-cha across the room, but they always come back to your partner. It’s like you’re saying, “I see you, I see the room, but you’re the most interesting thing here.” Unless, of course, there’s a fire. Then, by all means, stare at that.
Strong eye contact is your superpower. It shows you’re engaged, confident, and not checking your phone under the table. (We all know that trick, and no, holding your phone up to your forehead doesn’t count as eye contact.)
But be careful not to overdo it. Constant, unblinking eye contact doesn’t say “I’m listening intently.” It says “I’m imagining how you’d look stuffed and mounted over my fireplace.” Creepy, not leader-like.
The trick is to maintain eye contact about 60-70% of the time. Any less, and you look distracted or shifty. Any more, and you look like you’re trying to win a staring contest. Mix it up. Look at their eyes, then their nose, then briefly away, then back to the eyes. It’s like a facial features scavenger hunt.
Here’s the real secret:
When you make eye contact, you’re not just connecting – you’re detecting. You’ll start to pick up on micro-expressions, those tiny facial twitches that reveal what people are really thinking. It’s like having a built-in lie detector, minus the awkward wires and electrodes.
So, keep your eyes on the prize – and by prize, I mean the person you’re talking to. Unless they have spinach in their teeth. Then maybe focus on their forehead for a bit.
And here’s a Pro Tip:
If you find yourself in an impromptu staring contest, throw in an exaggerated smirk. It either breaks the tension or convinces them you have an uncontrolled resting face. Either way, you’re off the hook.
∗ link to the Alchemist Book: https://amzn.to/3BGuOl7