“The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence.”
Daniel Goleman is an author, psychologist, and science journalist. He’s best known for his groundbreaking work on “Emotional Intelligence∗” in leadership. Goleman argues that effective leaders are distinguished not just by their technical skills, but by their mastery of self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill.
This quote relates to our rule because the way you carry yourself – including how you position your arms – is a key part of emotional intelligence in leadership. It’s about being aware of the signals you’re sending and regulating them to project confidence and attentiveness.
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Arms crossed behind your back.
Like an attentive leader, not a scolded schoolboy. Never stand with your hands across your balls because if you do, you look like you’re posing for a freaking photo, not leading a team. Leaders tend to talk with their hands, but when their hands are not in use, they’re put away like weapons ready to be drawn at any conversation.
Think of it as the “Secret Service Stance.” You’re not just standing there; you’re on high alert, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. Whether that action is delivering a killer presentation or diving to take a bullet for the CEO is up to you. (Pro tip: stick to the presentations, unless you’re actually in the Secret Service.)
This stance says, “I’m listening intently, and I’m ready to respond.” It’s the physical embodiment of that emotional intelligence Goleman was talking about. You’re showing that you’re engaged, confident, and in control, all without saying a word.
But a word of caution: don’t overdo it. You want to look like a leader, not like you’re about to break into the national anthem or announce, “At ease, soldiers!” Mix it up. Use this stance when you’re listening to others or surveying your domain (aka the office), then release your hands to gesture when you speak.
And for the love of all that is holy in management, keep your hands away from the family jewels. The “fig leaf” pose is for Renaissance statues, not modern leaders. Unless you’re leading a team of marble sculptors, in which case, carry on.
Your arms and hands are your secret weapons. When you’re not using them to emphasize a point or high-five a team member for a job well done, tuck them behind your back. It’s the leadership equivalent of holstering your pistols. You’re armed and ready, but not threatening. You’re Bruce Wayne, not Batman. At least, not until casual Friday
Here’s a Pro Tip:
Practice this stance in front of a mirror. If you look like you’re about to introduce a magic act or announce dinner is served, adjust until you nail that “attentive leader” vibe. And remember, if your back starts to hurt, it’s nature’s way of telling you to delegate more.
∗ Link to the Emotional intelligence book: https://amzn.to/3YbmVf4