New Manager Rule #12: Mirroring Others

New Manager Cheat Sheet

New Manager Rule #12: Mirroring Others

Kevin B. Leigh

October 12, 2024

“People who are like each other tend to like each other. So if you want someone to like and trust you, you have to demonstrate that you’re like them. Matching and mirroring is the way you demonstrate commonality with another person.”

This quote comes straight from the horse’s mouth—or in this case, the motivational giant’s mouth. Robbins isn’t just hinting at mirroring here; he’s laying it out as a fundamental technique for building trust and rapport.

Let’s unpack what Robbins is really saying about mirroring. In his book “Unlimited Power” and throughout his seminars, Robbins emphasizes that mirroring is about creating a sense of similarity and familiarity. He breaks it down into several key components:

1. Physiology: This includes posture, gestures, and facial expressions. Robbins suggests subtly matching the other person’s physical state to create a sense of harmony.

2. Voice: This involves matching tone, tempo, volume, and even breathing patterns. Robbins believes that aligning your speech patterns with others can create a deep, subconscious connection.

3. Language: This is about matching the other person’s preferred communication style. Are they visual, auditory, or kinesthetic in their language? Do they speak in big picture terms or focus on details?

4. Values and Beliefs: While this goes beyond simple mirroring, Robbins emphasizes the importance of finding common ground in values and beliefs to build stronger connections.

Robbins teaches that effective mirroring should be done with genuine interest and respect. It’s not about manipulating others, but about creating a comfortable environment where communication can flow freely. He often demonstrates this in his seminars, rapidly building rapport with audience members through skilled mirroring techniques.

But here’s the kicker – Robbins also warns against mimicry. He stresses that mirroring should be subtle and natural. If it’s obvious, it can backfire, making you seem insincere or mocking.

Mirroring someone’s body language builds rapport.

Just don’t turn it into a game of “Simon Says” in the middle of a meeting

Let this sink in: Mirroring is like having a superpower in social situations. When done right, it can make people feel like you’re on the same wavelength, like you just get them. It’s the body language equivalent of finishing someone’s sentences, but without the risk of saying something stupid.

Here’s how it works: Subtly match the other person’s posture, gestures, and speaking pace. If they lean forward, you lean forward. If they speak slowly, you slow down your speech. If they cross their arms, you… well, maybe don’t mirror everything. We’re aiming for rapport, not a standoff.

But here’s the catch—and it’s a big one. Mirroring is not about becoming a human photocopy machine. If you start mimicking every little movement, you’ll look less like an empathetic leader and more like a creepy mime with personal space issues.

The key is subtlety. You want to be a gentle echo, not a parrot on steroids. If someone notices you’re mirroring them, you’ve already lost the game. It’s like Fight Club—the first rule of mirroring is you don’t talk about mirroring.

And for the love of all that is holy in the business world, don’t mirror negative behaviors. If your colleague is stress-tapping their pen, joining in won’t build rapport; it’ll just annoy everyone within earshot. Same goes for nervous tics, angry gestures, or that weird thing Bob does with his eyebrows when he’s confused. Some things are better left un-mirrored.

Here’s a Pro Tip: Practice mirroring in low-stakes situations. Try it with the barista at your local coffee shop or the cashier at the grocery store. But maybe not with the TSA agent at the airport. Mirroring someone who’s asking you to remove your shoes might send the wrong message.

Remember, mirroring is about creating a sense of familiarity and comfort. It’s not about losing your own personality or turning into a human chameleon. You’re still the leader, not a shape-shifting alien trying to blend in with earthlings.

Used wisely, mirroring can be a powerful tool in your leadership toolkit. It can help you build stronger connections, improve communication, and make people feel heard and understood. Just use it responsibly.

New Manager Rule #12: Mirroring Others

Mirroring someone’s body language builds rapport.

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